My dream of being a soldier

When i was younger, i looked up to the army as a source of inspiration. I believed America was a country of bravery, heroism, patriotism, loyalty, respect, honor, and dignity. When i looked at the army, i saw brotherhood through every struggle and this inspired me.

Why the army? Because i realized i had a propensity for violence. If i could channel this inclination for the good of American citizens, i could be loved and accepted by my country. I fantasized about assassinating others and overcoming obstacles in my way such as torture. There was a period in my life when i thought of my body as a mechanical tool for destruction.

I wanted to be highly respected. I wanted to live and die by the principles of America. I wanted a purpose for being or so i thought. Slowly, i realized that i turned bloodthirsty. I turned brutal and cared more about killing. I got the thrill and adrenaline of continually brutalizing my enemies.

It was then that i realized that this wasn't the life i wanted. When i saw the atrocities committed by this country, i cried in my bed. I've personally spoken to former soldiers in the army and their accounts changed my mind. They talked about how despite the traumatic experiences they had in war, the government betrayed them. They received no benefits as they were promised. They were abandoned in the name of democracy. The more i saw the army's work, the more i realized they were not what the government depicted. There was nothing more than corruption, deceit, murder, rape, and senseless violence. The army's purpose was nothing more than political gain. Patriotism, loyalty, courage, all the values i had were all propaganda. They were all lies to lure young people like me into the frontlines of war.

I was hurt. I felt betrayed and lied to by the country i wanted to protect. I've seen several veterans with prosthetic feet and limbs. Why? Why must people throw their lives away so carelessly? What was it all for? No money, power, prestige, education, and respect is worth other lives. What about the wars that our loved ones face on a daily basis? Why are we going to fight battles overseas when we ignore those that exist in our own homes? My family is content with how life is in the present and wouldn't want me to suffer far from home. It is argued that war is a necessary evil but it is still evil. It feels that people have forgotten diplomacy and instead choose to justify war when disaster strikes.

I gave up this dream career because i valued myself and my loved ones more than war. I learned how to cherish my health and loved ones. I learned that no money or fame is worth human life. If my enemies were to destroy my country, i'd spend my last moments with my loved ones than resort to violence.