Tips on finding your real friends

With the rise of social media, the definition of a friend has changed dramatically. Many have forgotten what it means to establish genuine friendships. With just a click of a button, you can accept or end a friendship. This is problematic because many people have forgotten what a true friend means. The internet is changing one of the most basic social bonds in our lives. If you are confused as to who your true friends are, here's several tips to help you:

* What values do you share? - What are values that you uphold? Are you honest, kind, compassionate, loving, respectful? If you are, you will likely attract people who are also the same. Demonstrate that you have these values and sooner or later, you will win friends.

* What are your goals? - What are things you want to accomplish in life? What experiences do you share with others? What attitudes do you show on a daily basis? If you have common dreams with others, you will unite with them.

* Common interests - Friends share similar hobbies such as making music, playing games, sports, and so forth. It's what strengthens bonds between friends. If your friends aren't interested in learning about your passions, they're not your real friends.

* Real friends support you - Your real friends have your back even when they have nothing to gain. Fake friends are only there when it benefits them and when it doesn't, they abandon you. Fake friends cut you out of their lives when you make mistakes, but real friends support you. They give you advice and give insights into what you did wrong. They are there to listen.

* Real friends are loyal - Your real friends will always make time for you. They won't make excuses for why they can't talk to you. They will make an effort to stay in your life. If there are conflicts, they will resolve them with you. If you have friends who won't do this, it means they don't value the friendship enough to resolve them. When disaster strikes, fake friends will be the first to betray you so they can get to safety.

* Fake friends disrespect you - They will constantly tease you and make you feel worse about yourself. They will laugh at you rather than with you. False friends will gossip about you behind your back. True friends on the other hand don't do this. They will boost your confidence.

You can't be popular with everyone. I find that most often, the people who have tons of friends are insecure. They want to be desperately liked by everyone so they will compromise their standards for popularity. They want to fill a void within themselves. After all, who wouldn't? Even the most famous celebrities suffer from low self esteem. There is only way to gain confidence and that's not through being popular. How can you boost your confidence?

* Destroy toxic friendships - I suffered from depression and low self esteem, blaming myself for whatever went wrong. It was then that i realized to break that cycle, i had to change the environment i was in. Since then, i started cutting fake friends out of my life and my confidence improved. To be confident, socialize with confident people. Stop hanging around people who have nothing to contribute but negativity. Stop hanging around people who don't give you a second thought during the day. People who will only support you when the price is right are people you are better off without. Take control of your life and befriend successful people working to see you succeed.

* Avoid disloyal people - When you've wronged your friend, make amends but don't make excuses for them. They are just as responsible for their actions as you are. Why invest so much energy and time on someone who does not give you the slightest thought? It is sad to see a friendship ruined but it takes two to build one. You control your own actions, thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. You learn from your past mistakes and leave them in the past. They don't define who you are. You are the person who grew wiser because of them. If someone cannot accept the reality that we all make mistakes, it is his or her own problem. When you did all you could do to resolve conflict among friends and they don't respond, free yourself from guilt. No amount of hurt can keep a friendship from being destroyed. If someone refuses to befriend you because of one incident, it's their choice.    

* Improve your current ones - Stay in contact with your current friends. Be supportive of them by giving them advice and being there to listen. Resolve conflicts and set healthy boundaries. When you keep giving to others, you will receive and be a better person.

* Make new friends - You must trust in your ability to establish friendships with new people. Step out of your comfort zone and be engaging with others. Begin by finding similar interests and establishing solid communication. Keep them in contact.

In time, you will realize who your real friends are and who aren't. Subscribe and let me know your thoughts below.

Tips on being a better teacher

There are many people, including teachers who struggle with being excellent educators. Mastering material and helping others learn is only a fraction of what teaching is about. For every profession, there's always room for improvement. Teaching is more complicated than anyone realizes. Nonetheless there's several tips on how to master the art of teaching:

* Always be patient - NEVER yell or show your frustration with your students. If you do, your students will feel discouraged and not want to learn the subject again. it will also reflect poorly on your reputation as others may not recommend you as a teacher. Realize that everyone has their own pace of learning. Some are slower at learning than others. Everyone has their internal and external obstacles they must overcome at their own speed. Impatience will only hinder progress.

* Learn how your students work - Humans are not robots. You can't simply give them information and expect them to understand with each passing lesson. Humans have their own unique methods of learning. Some learn better by observing with their sight and others with their ears. You must be wise in your methods of teaching as the subject matter you are teaching. By learning how your students receive information, you can figure out the most effective method of teaching them.

* Show no favoritism - Favoritism will cause rivalries and discouragement. When you enter the teaching world, forget about all of past friendships and family members. Pretend as if you know nothing about each person. Treat everyone with equality and respect. Build a special relationship with each one of your students. Recognize that each student has something valuable and essential to contribute to the world.

* Let your students make mistakes - Making mistakes is one of the best choices your students can make. Why? Because it allows them to see where they need to improve. Making mistakes lets students gain wisdom of the subject being studied.

* Give your students independence - Allow your students to face new challenges as you see them progress. Self trust and confidence are also essential to a student's growth. Reward your students when they succeed but also correct them when they fail. The aim is to discipline and encourage your students, not punish them.

* Don't be ambiguous - Avoid using one word instructions like "power!" This doesn't explain anything. Power for what? From where? Your students aren't going to understand you if you continue being vague. Be specific but keep things as simple as possible. If you make things complicated, you overwhelm your students. Use examples as needed and encourage your students to ask questions. Give advice and explain all of the mechanics of "why?" The goal is not to simply teach students to achieve average understanding, but to master what is being learned.  

* Practice teaching others - To become a better teacher, practice teaching what you've learned. Focus on effective communication, giving analogies, using examples, having patience, disciplining your students, and yourself.

Continually practice these guidelines and watch yourself improve as a teacher. In life, you never stop learning no matter how much of a master you are.

Breaking the cycle of abuse

When i was a kid, i used to abuse girls. There was a point in life when i looked up to my father - both the good and the bad. I thought physical violence was the solution because it was the norm. Once, i laughed with him after he made a degrading comment towards my mom. After that, i started to believe that was how women are to be treated. That's how i began physically and emotionally hurting girls. It wasn't just girls that i hurt, it was family and friends. I got in trouble with my mom, teachers, and others. Even as an adult, i repeated the same pattern. I've emotionally and verbally harmed women when things didn't go my way. I've threatened them and scared them with my behavior.

I've never had much of a good role model growing up until i found Jesus. Despite this, i fear becoming like my father. I'm afraid that because of my family abuse, i'll never be able to maintain a loving relationship. I suffered from low self-esteem, depression, and this fear. This is why i distanced myself from relationships in general. I blamed my problems on my parents.

Until i realized it wasn't their fault. I stopped seeing myself as a victim. I refused to be enslaved to the past. What i learned was that i didn't have to be like my father. I was in control of my life. I could make my own choices. I could break this cycle of abuse. Breaking the cycle of abuse starts when you see that your abusive actions are wrong rather than a way of getting love. My father tried scaring me into loving him and it never worked. I always thought it was wrong. When you stand up for what is right, you free yourself from becoming an abuser.

The importance of risk-taking

After losing my latest job, i broke down in depression. This wasn't the first time it happened. My gut feeling told me that i was going to fail. I was afraid of being unprepared, of making mistakes, and of letting others down. The one time in my life where i was driven by the desire to make an accomplishment ended in disaster.

My life was in shambles. My self esteem suffered and i lost all motivation to continue job-hunting. I reflect on all the times i gave up because i was too afraid to try and despaired. I spent so many years staying within my comfort zone because i didn't want to feel like a failure.

However as i was watching Jeff Hardy, i realized that he was known as a reckless risk-taker. He's had several wins and many losses. He's admitted that he is afraid of losing before he enters the ring but is motivated by it. Nevertheless, he's made some astounding victories such as holding a couple championship belts.

I look back on my life and realized that getting a job didn't matter. What mattered the most was facing my fears. It was my courage in taking a risk despite failure that made me strong. Successful people take risks and don't worry about their mistakes. They're concerned about learning from their successes and failures, never losing motivation.

My hope in the future is to continue being motivated to go beyond my limits and make the best out of life.

Why i despise prejudice against illegal immigrants

It always angers me when i hear people say “Illegals need to go back to their country.” It also disgusts me when American Christians hold to this point of view. I'm an American citizen but i am also Mexican. Being American is a curse because many Americans are full of self entitlement. Many are full of selfishness and have no regard for any other people but their own. I grew up with mostly Hispanics and blacks, understanding the struggles of being poor. I wondered why we didn't have enough to buy what we wanted, only what was needed for survival. What i went through was nothing compared to what my family went through. My family grew up in the Mexican version of the hood.

They lived in a time where you had to pay out of pocket for a hospital to give birth. Parents had to bring their kids into child labor because they needed more money to support themselves. If their children were fortunate then they would go to school. Here, you have supplies provided and free lunch, transportation, etc. In my mom's hometown, you didn't have that. You had to go to school walking on dirt roads or paying for a public bus because cars were for the rich. Crowds rushed on the bus and if you got left behind, no one cared. If you were a girl, older men would take advantage and grope you (My mom fell victim to that). When you got off, you might had possible rapists follow you around. The school had no desks, chairs, supplies, air conditioning, floors, police protection, library, cafeteria etc. You had to bring your own food and supplies. You had to fend for yourself after that. You think they'd stand strong for their education? No. At times, gangs came on campus with pipes, chains, bats, etc. And senselessly beat people for the sake of it. The police, teachers, students would flee home as the gangs would declare the place their territory. My mom left because her education was disrupted. Government would not pay for college because it was for the rich.

It was impossible to find a library and if you did, there was no checking out books or conditions suitable for learning. Teens as young as 13 married and began life as adults, working in any way they could to make money. Anything was legal in Mexico as long as you bribed the cops or didn't get caught. Mexico was full of crimes and you couldn't turn to the cops because 1) There was no phone that could call them fast enough. Meanwhile, you had to defend yourself from whatever came your way 2) They were just as criminal as anyone else. They would demand excessive amounts of money from civilians while criminals could bribe the cops to do their bidding. 3) They were very unprepared. Many thieves are experts in stealing. If you so much as blink an eye, your valuables could be gone. My mom told me that one method of stealing was to use a knife to slash an opening in someone's purse as valuables fell out for thieves to loot. In Truth, the police work for the criminals. If a gang controls an area, the police usually submit to their demands. In Mexico, never place your hope in cops because they might be the ones who pull up on you and kidnap you or look the other way when you are the victim of a crime. Any police chief that seeks to stand up against crime is usually killed by a crime organization within a short time. Some try to claim that Mexico has the resources to fix itself as a democracy, but the government is controlled by criminals. Elections are rigged, so votes are useless. In fact, any politician seeking to work for the good of the people is bribed to leave or assassinated. Not even businessmen are safe from crime. There are cases of thieves who take their families hostage and demand their riches or threaten to end their lives.

Many Americans are ignorant of what illegal immigrants from other countries face. It is time for us to take a stand and realize that we are all humans trying to survive. 

Loving yourself

I'm here to tackle a problem in many people today: Low self esteem. I will admit low self esteem, self hate, negativity, you name it defined me. These were problems that i've been struggling for years. I've hardly ever had any time to develop any sense of self because i had no life. I will give a few insights into how to get out of it and love yourself to the fullest.

1) Appreciate yourself – Recognize that you are a unique individual. I used to not like my appearance or having curly long hair when i found that i couldn't change. I realized that alot of people considered me a very handsome young man. Many desperately wanted my natural curls and it made me value myself more.

2) Turn negativity into positivity – The problem with people is they think about the negative outcomes such as “What if i ask this girl out and she says no? What if i don't get the job? What if people don't like me? Etc.” When opposite is likely to happen “What if the girl says yes? What if i get the job? What if people do like me? Etc.” Stop defeating yourself and motivate yourself to do better.

A. Never chase pessimistic guy/girls – Never go for a girl/guy who has low self esteem, indecisiveness, pessimism, dishonesty, unfaithfulness, and won't give you a chance. If they can't appreciate themselves how can they appreciate you? If they have low self esteem, he/she will be negative and will drain the life out of you. If they can't defend themselves, how can they defend you? Stay away from establishing a relationship with these people. You deserve better and should seek girls/guys who have admirable qualities. 

3) Stop looking for approval from others – A sign of insecurity is seeking approval from others for the quality of your life which is very destructive. It's not possible to please everyone because there will always be people who don't like you and nothing you do will change that. Look inwardly and approve of yourself.

A. Get your own dress style – I used to believe that the choice of clothing didn't matter, but clothes helps shape your identity. For example, i love wearing dark clothes and shoes. I love wearing loose black jeans with unique designs and large t-shirts with Christian artwork. I get alot of attention everywhere i go. Try wearing caps, specific types of shoes, shirts, belts, etc. And get comfortable.

B. Listen to new types of music – Stop letting people judge you for what you like. I was a huge metal-head in the past but worried about what the metal community would say if i began experimenting with new types of music. Eventually, i explored new types of music and learned to appreciate music for what it is.

4) Build confidence – Learning to trust yourself is very hard when you have no trials to overcome so find new hobbies and activities of interest.

A. Have a unique way of communication – Don't just talk to people, but develop a love for socialization. Practice talking to yourself in the mirror and put emphasis in the way you communicate. Don't just say “Hey..i'm fine..” make the conversation interesting, but also yourself. For example, I'm someone who loves to laugh and make others laugh so sometimes i will joke around during conversations. I love to talk about a variety of topics but mostly on deep theological concepts. Ask questions to get to know someone and learn how people work. If someone is calm and relaxed, talk to them calmly. If the person loves to laugh then add humor.

B. Don't be obsessed with just one activity – Never devote too much time to one activity or person that you lose sight of yourself. You need to create balance in life.

5) Evaluate friendships – Do your friends treat you negatively? Make fun of you? Use you to get ahead? Flirt with you to get what they want? Most likely they're not your friends. If you get rejected or a person doesn't want to be your friend, stop merging your identity with them because that's what causes self esteem to be hurt. You don't need them to be confident. Find new people who accept and love you. 

6) Be honest – Take the time to look at your strengths and weaknesses. Acknowledge that your not the most horrible person on earth but neither are you perfect. Your human with the goal of progressing in life.

These are all essential to loving yourself and spreading the love with the world. Practice these principles and you will stop living in self-defeat.