Breaking the cycle of abuse

When i was a kid, i used to abuse girls. There was a point in life when i looked up to my father - both the good and the bad. I thought physical violence was the solution because it was the norm. Once, i laughed with him after he made a degrading comment towards my mom. After that, i started to believe that was how women are to be treated. That's how i began physically and emotionally hurting girls. It wasn't just girls that i hurt, it was family and friends. I got in trouble with my mom, teachers, and others. Even as an adult, i repeated the same pattern. I've emotionally and verbally harmed women when things didn't go my way. I've threatened them and scared them with my behavior.

I've never had much of a good role model growing up until i found Jesus. Despite this, i fear becoming like my father. I'm afraid that because of my family abuse, i'll never be able to maintain a loving relationship. I suffered from low self-esteem, depression, and this fear. This is why i distanced myself from relationships in general. I blamed my problems on my parents.

Until i realized it wasn't their fault. I stopped seeing myself as a victim. I refused to be enslaved to the past. What i learned was that i didn't have to be like my father. I was in control of my life. I could make my own choices. I could break this cycle of abuse. Breaking the cycle of abuse starts when you see that your abusive actions are wrong rather than a way of getting love. My father tried scaring me into loving him and it never worked. I always thought it was wrong. When you stand up for what is right, you free yourself from becoming an abuser.