Loving yourself

I'm here to tackle a problem in many people today: Low self esteem. I will admit low self esteem, self hate, negativity, you name it defined me. These were problems that i've been struggling for years. I've hardly ever had any time to develop any sense of self because i had no life. I will give a few insights into how to get out of it and love yourself to the fullest.

1) Appreciate yourself – Recognize that you are a unique individual. I used to not like my appearance or having curly long hair when i found that i couldn't change. I realized that alot of people considered me a very handsome young man. Many desperately wanted my natural curls and it made me value myself more.

2) Turn negativity into positivity – The problem with people is they think about the negative outcomes such as “What if i ask this girl out and she says no? What if i don't get the job? What if people don't like me? Etc.” When opposite is likely to happen “What if the girl says yes? What if i get the job? What if people do like me? Etc.” Stop defeating yourself and motivate yourself to do better.

A. Never chase pessimistic guy/girls – Never go for a girl/guy who has low self esteem, indecisiveness, pessimism, dishonesty, unfaithfulness, and won't give you a chance. If they can't appreciate themselves how can they appreciate you? If they have low self esteem, he/she will be negative and will drain the life out of you. If they can't defend themselves, how can they defend you? Stay away from establishing a relationship with these people. You deserve better and should seek girls/guys who have admirable qualities. 

3) Stop looking for approval from others – A sign of insecurity is seeking approval from others for the quality of your life which is very destructive. It's not possible to please everyone because there will always be people who don't like you and nothing you do will change that. Look inwardly and approve of yourself.

A. Get your own dress style – I used to believe that the choice of clothing didn't matter, but clothes helps shape your identity. For example, i love wearing dark clothes and shoes. I love wearing loose black jeans with unique designs and large t-shirts with Christian artwork. I get alot of attention everywhere i go. Try wearing caps, specific types of shoes, shirts, belts, etc. And get comfortable.

B. Listen to new types of music – Stop letting people judge you for what you like. I was a huge metal-head in the past but worried about what the metal community would say if i began experimenting with new types of music. Eventually, i explored new types of music and learned to appreciate music for what it is.

4) Build confidence – Learning to trust yourself is very hard when you have no trials to overcome so find new hobbies and activities of interest.

A. Have a unique way of communication – Don't just talk to people, but develop a love for socialization. Practice talking to yourself in the mirror and put emphasis in the way you communicate. Don't just say “Hey..i'm fine..” make the conversation interesting, but also yourself. For example, I'm someone who loves to laugh and make others laugh so sometimes i will joke around during conversations. I love to talk about a variety of topics but mostly on deep theological concepts. Ask questions to get to know someone and learn how people work. If someone is calm and relaxed, talk to them calmly. If the person loves to laugh then add humor.

B. Don't be obsessed with just one activity – Never devote too much time to one activity or person that you lose sight of yourself. You need to create balance in life.

5) Evaluate friendships – Do your friends treat you negatively? Make fun of you? Use you to get ahead? Flirt with you to get what they want? Most likely they're not your friends. If you get rejected or a person doesn't want to be your friend, stop merging your identity with them because that's what causes self esteem to be hurt. You don't need them to be confident. Find new people who accept and love you. 

6) Be honest – Take the time to look at your strengths and weaknesses. Acknowledge that your not the most horrible person on earth but neither are you perfect. Your human with the goal of progressing in life.

These are all essential to loving yourself and spreading the love with the world. Practice these principles and you will stop living in self-defeat.